The Gay Fairy and Lady GaGa
by Lozzy98
Summary: Bella makes a huge mistake, and Edward cannot forgive her. Jacob and Edward have a slap fight,and Lady GaGa's phone is ringing? Completely Random. No real plot. Idea originally by Welsh Gem. R&R please!
1. Lady GaGa's Telephone

**Okay, I didn't make this up on my own the idea was originally created by Welsh Gem, and we just started to adapt it and make it into a story, and I thought it would be a pretty good story.**

**But I had to give her something to be able to put this on here.**

**You know what I had to give?**

**A Cookie, from Co-op.**

**Ah well, it's just the price I had to pay.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

Bella ran through the forest at her slow human pace, trying not to trip over any tree roots.

But she didn't see the little tree root that was suddenly caught her foot and she fell flat on her face with an audiable 'Oof'

But she got back up.

Nothing would stop her from finding Edward, nothing.

Suddenly she burst into picturesque clearing, it was a perfect circle with flowers all around.

And in the middle of that clearing stands a glittering Edward.

Bella approached the glittering Edward.

"Edward, you glittering!" Edward turned sharply to face her.

"Damn you, Bella! I'm sparkling! Not glittering! Only gay fairies glitter!" Edward yelled.

"Yeah Bella!" sneered a million fangirls around the world.

Bella sighed then dropped to her knees.

"I'm sorry Edward! I'm sorry for getting you sparklyness wrong!" Bella cried as tears ran down her cheeks.

Edward's face lost it's rage and became sullen.

"I'm sorry Bella, but I cannot be with someone who mistakes my sparkling for glittering." he said.

Around the world, BellaXxEdward fans gasped. "NO! NOT AGAIN YOU PLONKER!" they cried.

"I must be with someone who knows my vampireness from the heart. Goodbye Bella."

"Whhhhyyyyyy?" Bella whined.

"Shut up Bella, you are such a penguin!" Edward Yelled.

Bella gasped

"No one can know your vampireness as much as I can!" She cried

"Your wrong again Bella" He told her calmly.

"Yeah, who?" She asked, as the tears flowed freely.

Edward sighed then turned to meet his new girl friend...

"Lady GaGa!" She said, confused.

"Gasp" Gasped all the BellaXxEdward fans around the world.

"Yes Lady GaGa. Now run along Bella, and try not to fall" Edward sneered.

"But Eddy…" Bella started but was cut of by an angry Edward.

"Shut up Bella. My nick-name is no longer Eddy. It is now….. The Wolverine!" He snarled to add effect to his vicious nick-name.

Suddenly Jacob burst into the clearing, Topless, showing off his gorgeous abs.

2.2 million Team Jacob fans just fainted around the world.

Jacob stomped up to Edward and started yelling.

"YOU STOLE MY GAG, BITCH!" And slapped Edward across the face.

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" Edward yelled, and slapped him back.

"OH YES I DID!" Jacob yelled and slapped him back.

After around 10 minutes of slapping back and fourth, It turned into a full out bitch fight.

"GO EDWARD!" Screamed the Team Edward fans, from around the world.

"GO JACOB!" Screamed the Team Jacob fans.

Suddenly a phone started ringing.

Every body froze in place.

"Oops Gotta go my telephone is ringing" Lady GaGa said and ran off.

"Well that was weird " Bella said.

"Yeah" Jacob agreed.

"Good bye Bella, I hope you have a miserable life while I live mine with Lady GaGa" Edward said, and with that he ran out to Lady GaGa.

Bella broke down in sobs.

**The End.**

**R&R?**


	2. Semiskimmed Blood

**I was going to just leave it as one chapter but suddenly Welsh Gem decided that she had an idea for a second chapter, so here it is.**

**Thanks if you reviewed :D I really appreciate it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.**

Bella sighed.

It had been a month since Edward left.

Today was the anniversary.

He was in the paper this morning with _her._

The stupid, ugly, Lady GaGa.

Apparently their having 'Relationship Problems'

Yeah it's probably about his diet, of full fat blood.

She'll probably be telling him to get semi-skinned or something.

That's just how much of a blonde she really is.

**(AN: I have nothing against blondes in fact I used to be one until I died my hair purple:D)**

Bella bet that she doesn't really understand his vampireness as much as she did, or still does.

And to make things worse Jacob is still not talking to her.

He blames her for the red hand print that has forever been imprinted on his cheek during his bitch fight with Edward.

After that incident about half of Team Jacob fans joined Team Edward.

Jacob was not happy.

Bella got up from her desk, she was tiered of doing homework and wanted to go for a walk.

She was still as clumsy as ever and she tripped.

She didn't really pay much attention as she fell down the stairs head first.

She had been doing that a lot lately.

When she had finally stopped falling, she walked out into the crisp November air and walked with a slight limp into the woods.

She walked steadily for about 30 seconds before tripping on thin air.

But she just got back up and walked and walked and fell and walked some more until she was in the clearing where Edward had left her for _her._

Suddenly a little sparkle caught her eye, she looked to her left and saw a mini fairy Edward.

"Haahaa You little gay fairy, your glittering" She laughed.

The Little Gay Fairy said nothing, just stared at her, with a calm look on his little Gay Fairy face.

"You are so much like Edward, you are soooo gay you little faggot fairy" She got out in between fits of laughter.

The Little Gay Fairy could feel his face redden with rage.

And then he stomped of in a huff, leaving behind a confused Bella.

She sighed again.

Suddenly sad music stared playing out of nowhere.

Bella looked around confused, but didn't see anything so she let it go and let the sad music play.

Then the bushes rustled slightly.

Bella tensed ready for what was comeing.

Or so she thought, It was a tall, lean figure most probably a man.

She looked closer and saw….

"EDWARD!" She screamed angrily.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him.

Suddenly he was right beside her.

Edward cupped his hands and held Bella's face in his hands.

"You were right Bella. Nobody knows my vampireness as good as you. Well, apart from Stephine Meyer person who created me but she doesn't count. I was wrong about Lady Gaga. She mistaken my sparkling for something worse. She thought I was a disco ball. I need you Bella. You're my love!" Edward flirted.

"I'm your love?" Bella repeated, quite dazed.

"Yes. Just tell me that I am your love and we'll be together again. Like in the books." Edward chuckled, tears spilling out of his eyes.

"But Edward, you're not my love!" Bella sighed.

Edward pulled away and hissed at Bella like a pussy cat.

"My love is Orlando Bloom! Have you seen how many posters I have of him? He's, like, TOTALLY hot!"

Edward cocked his head then burst into tears.

"But…but I thought…." Edward trailed off sadly, looking off into the distance.

"You thought what?" Bella asked warily.

"I thought you loved me" He said angrily and turned away from her to wipe away his tears.

"Yeah well I thought you loved me" She answered back, almost growling.

"Anyway what happened to Lady GaGa?" She asked him.

_**Edwards flashback**_

Me and Lady GG, my new girlfriend, walked through the forest.

"Stupid Bella thought my sparkling was glittering!" I spat. Stupid Penguin! Lady GG, who was texting on her shoe-shaped cell phone, frowned.

"What glittering, Eddy C?" she asked and toddled forward in her curved heels.

I pulled on a face of pain then ripped all of my clothes off. Lady GG looked at my _sparkling _body.

Her pupils went big like a pussy cat's when a ball of wool is being dangled in front of it.

"D-D-..." she started.

"What is it, my love?" I asked.

"DISCO BALL!" She errupted! Crazy people all dressed up in romp suits made of lace and bubble dressed jumped from behind the trees and did some crazy dance moves.

Lady GG was singing _just dance_ while she pushed me onto the floor and jumped up and down on me.

She did all this head banging with her long white hair everywhere.

Rage built up side of me. She thought I was a _disco ball? _"That's it!" I cried.

I shoved Lady GG off of me and she went flying and landed on her feet. I grabbed a baseball bat out of nowhere and ran towards her.

Lady GG pointed at me then sang "_That boy is a monster!" _before I swung the bat, hitting her head off and it flew off into the sky. Lady GG's body dropped to the ground.

"Take that, bitch!" I spat.

No one mistakes my sparkling for myself being a disco ball.

Not even that flea bag Jacob.

Or Bella. Bella.

She never said I was a disco ball.

She's my only true one love! I got kicked out of these charming thoughts as I watched something horrible.

Lady Gaga grew her head back. Two heads back!

"OMG! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!" Said head 1.

"I know! Wait until Honey B finds out!" said head 2.

"Uh hu! SHe's use her big butt to crush you into glitter!" cried head 1.

Glitter. Bella. GLitter. BELLA! I turned and ran from that two headed freak to find my one love!

_**End of Edwards flashback.**_

"And now I'm here" Edward finished.

"Oh My Jacob, you are as bout as gay as The Gay Little Fairy I met earlier" Bella said struggling to hold laughter.

"What?…Never mind will you take me back Bella?" Edward asked hopefully.

"Nope..Bye" And with that Bella skipped out of the clearing, but only managing to skip until the end of the clearing then she fell got back up and walked away.

Leaving a broken hearted vampire in the clearing.

**There might be a next chapter.**

**R&R please. :D**


	3. The death of the Orlando Bloom posters

**This is the last chapter, I did not write any of this chapter it was all Welsh Gem.**

**This chapter was inspired by my nearly fatal accident in P.E which Welsh Gem stopped. She saved my live, I am eternally grateful.**

**We had a bit of fun thinking about this chapter in school, so hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

Bella walked down the wet sidewalk a let out a depressing a sigh.

She had gone an hour without Edward. AN HOUR! This thought made Bella break down into sobs again.

She looked up after five minuets of crying and wiped her nose which had a large boogie dangling from the nostril. Then something caught her eye.

Bella looked more carefully at the window of her bedroom, over looking her really crap car. Something, like a shadow, passed the window and ripped down one of her Orlando Bloom posters off the wall.

Bella gasped angrily then stomped into her house.

She marched up to the top of the stairs, fell back down and a sickening crack was heard.

Bella looked down at her right leg and saw the bone sticking out and blood oozing through.

Bella just shrugged then hopped back up the stairs with her newly broken log dragging behind her.

At the top of the stairs, Bella threw open her bedroom door, making it fall off the hinges and she looked around with bloodthirsty look in her eyes.

"JACOB! ARE YOU USING MY MAKE UP AGAIN?" Bella screamed.

She spotted the mascara on her pillow, pictures of stick men with fangs being hanged on the wall were drawn out of her cherry lipstick. Blusher smothered her open wardrobe.

Jacob, who was standing in the middle of the room staring at something. He spun around at the sound of Bella's voice.

He had pink lipstick all around his mouth and brown blusher on his cheeks with mascara on his eyelashes. He also had eye-shadow, a blue shade, on his eye-brows but not on his eyelids.

"Noooooooooo!" he replied in a high pitched voice. Bella frowned.

"Where's my Orlando Bloom posters?" she asked, noticing that they weren't on the walls.

Jacob blushed under the three grams of blusher he had on his cheeks, which weight them down and now where longer than his chin.

Bella looked behind Jacob and saw something that would leave nightmares into your sleep FOREVER:

Her Orlando Bloom posters were in a pile with a white liquid sprayed over them and looked as if they had been fucked badly.

Bella couldn't believe it. MOST fan girls would attack Jacob armed with pirate swords and grenades.

But not Bella.

She was such a fan she could do nothing. She curled up into a ball on the floor and rocked back and forth.

"Orlando...Jacob...errection...fucked...Orlando...orgasm...Orlando...Jacob..." she muttered.

Jacob morphed into a pink little poodle then trotted up to the window and jumped off and landed onto Bella's really crap car. Bella shuffled down the high street. It had been one week since Jacob fucked her most precious Orlando Bloom posters.

It had left her so shocked and hurt that she needed to be taken to hospital and was placed under suicidal watch so now she had a group of spies wandering behind her in cheap tuxedos and carrying really old briefcases.

Suddenly, out of nowhere (well, a coffee shop), popped out Lady Gaga.

"You dated Edward, right?" she asked.

Bella held her nose to stop the smell of raw meat smelling up her nose and nodded.

Lady Gaga slapped her, leaving three two centimetre cuts from her super sharp and curly nails, then dragged her out into the middle of the road. "Take this bitch!" she screamed then ripped off her meat dress and dumped it onto Bella.

Bella struggled with the weight of the meat dress and was held down. Lady Gaga, who was naked, laughed evilly then was vaporised and taken to her home planet in a spaceship.

Down the road, a twelve kilo lorry rampaged down the road. "Hahaha!" It laughed. "I vill run over ze vet sweed!"

Bella screamed and kicked her free legs rapidly in the air.

She kicked it so rapidly that her right leg, which still had had the bone sticking out, tore off and went flying into _Vagens R us _which lead to screams and random people fainting.

At the top of Starbucks stood Edward. "Don't worry Bella! I WILL SAVE YOU!" then Edward did his super running thing and picked up Bella and got her off of the road before the evil German lorry ran her over.

Bella looked up lovingly at Edward.

Suddenly, Bella's organs popped out of the skin and on each organ morphed a face of Bella. "You saved our lives! We are eternally grateful!" they chanted then disappeared back into the body.

Edward frowned but then looked back at Bella lovingly.

"If you date me again, Bella. And allow me to get to second base with you, I will by you another Orlando Bloom poster." Edward cried.

Tears formed in Bella's eyes. "Yes! Now may I snog you nose?" she asked before letting tears run down her cheeks.

Edward burst out into happy tears and nodded. Bella gave Edward a wet snog on his nose and then accidentally swallowed a bubble of snot from Edward's runny nose.

**This is the last chapter *sniff* R&R please :D**


	4. Ending AN

**Thanks for reading this story.**

**This story was originally made up by Welsh Gem, be sure to check out the other story which she has written but I gave her the Idea it's called **_**Sky's Story **_**and I think that it is great so far so go and read it.**

**Thanks if you reviewed/favourite and stuff, all of them are greatly appreciated :D**

**And DaughterofVoldemort asked me what happened in P.E so this was it.**

_**FLASHBACK**_

Playing football on the astroturf. 2v2

On my team was me and Mel (WelshGem). On the one we are versing was Melissa (A different one I'm just gunna call her Evil Mel) and Lydia.

I was standing in goals and so was Lydia so Mel and Evil Mel were playing for the ball.

I was just daydreaming about next lesson and howboring it would be because it was english when suddenly evil mel kicked the ball full force at me.

And it was aiming for my face now that would have really hurt.

But because Mel is just an awsome friend she jumped in the way of the ball so it hit her hand, and she almost broke her finger, but she did have a wicked brusie.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

**So that's what happened.**

**Bye,**

**Lozzy98**


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